Mama Said, V.15

The last Mama Said? Say it ain't so! But alas, it is. The best kind of feature stops when the going gets good, and I think this fun project has seen it's day in the sun. Maybe one day I'll resurrect it and do something similar, but for now Mama Said will live on in the archives. If you're interested (and have a lot of time on your hands), you can always click the "Mama Said" tag under this post to check out all of the previous entries.

A special thank you to all of my lovely mama friends for taking part in this series. It's been so fun- and so very enlightening! I appreciate each and every one of you. And now, the final gals! I know I say this every week, but this week is such a great edition- and I'm so excited to have all three of these ladies here on the blog. Each one of them offers something very different, and be sure to check out Heir to Blair and Lauren's blog (Autumn doesn't blog) when you have a moment.

This is our wee family. Nate & I tied the knot back in 2006 and created the blonde lad, Harrison, in 2009. We live a life that is full of love, a little chaotic, but it’s our story & we’re sticking to it.

1. Free-Range Parenting. Kids will fall and cry and scrape knees and have hurt feelings. It’s part of experiencing life – so let them! Nothing screams “psycho helicopter mom” like the chick that’s hovering over her 3-year-old in a Little Gym full of foam.

2. I like to freeze it, freeze it. Make double-batches when you cook and freeze half so that you have homemade meals to pull out on even the most hectic days.

3. Make out. Be sure to smooch your significant other often. It keeps a relationship sweet & steamy. And  hell, they’re the reason you’re stuck in this parenting madness in the first place!

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my name is lauren, and here's a little bit about me: i'm 31, born & raised in salt lake city, utah, happily married, & mother of a toddler and a teenager. yes, you read that right. my daughter alanna is 14, and my son malcolm is 3. i took on the role of single parent a few months after turning 16, so i literally went from being a child to having a child. this choice was life changing, and has truly made me the person i am today. eight years later i met and married danny, alanna and i moved across the country, and we've created a great little family together in north carolina. my husband has been a wonderful father since day one, and has filled the void in both of our lives. after eleven years of having an only child, i became a new mother again when we had our son in 2008, and as cheesy as it sounds, i really feel like i am exactly where i was always meant to be.

as you can imagine, our household is a little crazy, we honestly just take it one day at a time. i am constantly learning and growing, right along with my children. as far as being a parent to a teenager... well, i hope i'm doing a good job, i'm really just figuring it out as i go, so you'll have to check back in a few years to see if we survived, ha! here are a few things i have learned this time around, with malcolm, that i hope will be helpful for other mothers (and mama's to be).    

1) if you find yourself completely unprepared, it's okay. everything will be fine. of course my first pregnancy was unplanned and completely unexpected, but when i found myself pregnant again (two years into our marriage), i basically felt the same panic all over again. my husband and i had always wanted a second child, but after many months of no such luck, we kind of just went on with life. that's always when everything falls into place, right?! when you least expect it. we were ecstatic at the idea of a new baby, but we were also far from being "ready". malcolm was born two weeks early, and we hardly had a thing for him. we didn't even have a pack of diapers, or any newborn clothing small enough to fit him. it is overwhelming to prepare for your new bundle of joy, and so many blogs/magazines/baby stores/websites make you feel like you have to have a perfect nursery before your baby arrives, but honestly all that baby "stuff" that you think you need, well most of it you don't. no need to stress yourself out, just relax and take it day-by-day.    

  

2) listen to and learn from your mother. (or your sister, aunt, mother-in-law, friend, etc.) my mother did a great job of raising me and my siblings -she is good in the kitchen, garden, with crafts and sewing, she is kind and has always had many friends. i wish i had really absorbed more of her knowledge and experience back when i first became a parent, and before i had moved 2,000+ miles away from her. i think it would have helped me to be a better mom, this second time around. i know you will be bombarded with advice, and a lot of it will be unwanted and easily ignored, but take note, because somewhere down the line it may come in handy, and she might not be nearby to help you along. it is important to make your own decisions when it comes to your own child, but these special women hold a plethora of knowledge, information, and skills, and most of the time they do know what they are talking about. learn from them.

3) some advice is common for a reason, because it is important to follow. here are a few examples: nap when your newborn naps, get your baby on a regular sleep schedule early, teach them to self-soothe, don't let them keep a binky or a bottle past a year, and don't put them to bed with a bottle. if you get in a routine where you are breaking any of these "rules", more than likely it will be very hard to correct. but if you do find yourself in that position (which we definitely have), don't beat yourself up about it. do your best to correct the situation -even if it takes days, weeks, or months longer than it should have, and be patient with your child, because after all, it was you who got them where they are. malcolm never slept well as a newborn, he cried all the time unless i held him, and he had reflux and colic for what seemed like forever. his days and nights were backwards, and we let it go waaay too long before doing anything about it. finally at 15 months, and after some sound advice from an old friend (see my #2!), we let him cry it out. and it worked. it was hard, and made us sad, but it was important -not only for the sake of his health and happiness, but for our entire household's well-being.

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My name is Autumn. I am a stay at home mom and wouldn't trade that in for the world. Although it is by far the most challenging job I have ever done it is also the most rewarding. I can't imagine doing anything besides staying home and raising my sweet babies. I have been married to my best friend Jason for 6 years. We have 2 beautiful children, a little girl Chloe (2) and a little boy Carter (1). They are 19 months apart. Although it was extremely difficult in the beginning and still has it's moments, I love their age difference. They are the best of friends and love to play with each other.

1. Live in the moment and enjoy every second spent with your little angels. You will never have this day with your children again. Tomorrow, they'll be a little older than they were today. Cherish each stage even the difficult ones. Time goes by so fast and before you know it they will be off to college. This day is a gift enjoy every second of it!

2. My biggest saving grace for being a stay at home mom is being a part of MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) or any mommy support/play group. Having a support system of other moms who are on the same journey as you is so important. No one understands like someone who has been there themselves. Gaining knowledge from seasoned moms is priceless!

3. As a mom of 2 I have found it essential to not compare them and embrace each of their wonderful gifts and unique qualities. They achieved milestones at different times, have different personalities, likes and dislikes. The same goes for comparing your children to other  children. Don't compare- just embrace.

Mama Said, V.14

This is the second to last week of this feature and I am so excited about both of these blogging mamas! The first one is one of my favorite people in general, and she is the Mom of a Henry too!  I adore Allie, and I can't say enough great things about it. It's neat to watch her little Henry grow up, because it gives me a taste of what it will be like when our Henry is that age. She documents her family's beautiful life on her blog, and if you don't already read It's a Wonderful Life, I suggest you hightail it over there and add it to your list! Allie is truly a gem and I feel lucky to know her. The second Mom is another fabulous gal by the name of Christina. I've gotten to know Christina a little more through her blog (which I love), and I really appreciate her honest approach to parenting. Most recently I thought her post about how she saves money as a new SAHM was awesome, and how amazing does this banana cupcake with honey cinnamon frosting look? So glad she shared the recipe. Christina is gorgeous and her family is just darling...pair that with the honesty I mentined earlier, good writing, and cute photos, and her blog is another read I definitely recommend! Thank you ladies for being a part of this feature. And now first up, Allie!

My name is Allie and I'm (fairly) new to the whole mama thing.  Even though it can be stressful at times, we're loving every new second we get to experience with our Henry. We've discovered that all of the things you loved before becoming parents are a million times more awesome when you add a baby to the mix. Henry just turned one and it feels like every day he does something new. We're honestly just learning as we go and having tons of fun!

Advice:

1. Music is powerful. Seriously. Play it as often as you can! Anything and everything, babies eat it up and it can be used to soothe, distract, and educate.

2. When your baby is old enough and you feel like it's the right time (you'll just know), get them on an actual sleep schedule. Henry didn't start sleeping through the night until he was eleven months old and he wasn't napping very much during the day. Totally my fault because I just assumed he knew when to sleep and when not to sleep. We've recently started putting him down for naps at the same time everyday and he caught on quickly. Some days those few hours I get to myself save my sanity.

3. Know that it's okay to feel totally overwhelmed and stressed out. Every mom feels it- that horrible "funk". It's so easy to beat yourself up but DON'T. Just think of all the responsibilities you've taken on in such a short amount of time! At the end of the night, remember that tomorrow is a new day and that you will figure things out over time. 

Alrighty, here we go!  A bit about my family:

My husband (Gerhard) and I met in England (though he is from South Africa, and I'm from Texas).  We got married quickly and ended up staying in England for 3 years, which is where I gave birth to our son, Charl (pronounced Sharl).  We stayed there for about a year, and then moved back to Texas to be closer to my family and settle down!  Charl is now 2 1/2 years old.

Here is my "Mama Said" advice.

1. ALWAYS play!  ALWAYS.  One of the most fun things about having children is being one again yourself.  I think it is especially important when they are little, and you are their very best friend in the whole wide world.  Soon enough, they won't want you to play trains/ dress up/ spin until you're sick games.  It's hard to get housework etc all done in one day.  Who cares?  Put it off.  It won't kill you... missing out on your son/ daughters eyes lighting up when you do a silly dance... missing that might kill you.

2.  Trust your instincts.  This is so hard as new parents.  Don't get me wrong I'm not saying don't ever ask for advice.  Ask everyone questions, like, all the time.  But then don't feel bad if you decide they are stupid and decide you know what is best.  It's your family.  You will figure out what works.  On the same note, try try try not to let the judgement of other people get to you about choices you make.  We all do it unfortunately, but just try to take everything with a grain of salt, then add whatever the hell spice you want anyway.

3.  Don't forget your significant other.  It can be really hard when you've had 3 hours sleep, vomit on your shirt, and haven't bathed in 2 days and feel as sexy as a wooden spoon.  But you used to like sex right?  I mean, that's how you ended up tired and with baby vomit I assume.  ;)  I think it is important to reconnect on this very personal level with your partner.  THEY will appreciate it, and trust me... a good shag always helps with stress.

Mama Said, V.13

This week's Mama Said is a triple doozy, with words of wisdom from some of the raddest mommies in the blogosphere. First up is Raechel, who is a special blog friend of mine- Henry and her daughter were actually born just days apart! I've absolutely loved getting to know Raechel and her family via her blog, and watch little Ev grow up right alongside Henry. Then, you'll hear from the fabulous Dena, who is a beautiful mama to some adorable boys. Dena and her blog (one of my daily reads) always inspire me to be in the moment, and I really enjoy seeing what it's like to raise older boys- she seems to have so much fun doing so! And lastly is Thursday, who is another fave blogger and super mama to a lovely little lady named Georgia. Like Dena her advice may be simple, but so absolutely true. I admire her ability to be such a present Mommy but also have time to be so creative. Stop by her blog and you'll see what I mean!  But without any more of my rambling, here's Raechel to start us off (and thank you again, so so much to all three of you lovely ladies!):

Hey, Sometimes Sweet readers! My name is Raechel and I blog over at Our Island Outlook. I started blogging so that our family and friends back in the States could follow our adventures while we live in Japan but it has morphed into so much more.

Our daughter, Evelyn, was born within just a few days of Danielle and Hank's sweet little Henry. She is our little pride and joy; she's cat-napping in her carseat as I write this at 0630 after bringing my husband to work. The joys of a one-car family. :)

Many thanks to Danielle for letting me contribute to her great feature, "Mama Said".

My advice I have to offer is rather practical and very well may be common knowledge to most but hopefully at least one person can pull something away from my small contribution...

Call. If you're unsure of anything regarding your baby's health and wellness, call someone. It is difficult for me to call back to the States to pick my mother or grandmother's brain but you can bet your bottom dollar that at 1:00AM on Thanksgiving morning when Ev was just a week old and projectile vomited all over, I called the ER. If a medical professional seems less than thrilled or downright rude about your questions, try to brush them off. It is their job to help you out and if they have an attitude about it, that's their own problem. You are your baby's advocate so don't ever be afraid to call someone to ask questions.

Olive oil and a toothbrush. Little Miss has had a small amount of cradle cap since about her second week of life. At her two month appointment I finally asked what I could do to "get rid of it" and while my doctor told me that babies eventually grow out of it she suggested brushing Evelyn's wet head with a soft baby brush. We didn't have a soft baby brush so I've improvised with a soft-bristled toothbrush; we have yet to buy a baby brush because the toothbrush is working just fine. The olive oil was my grandmother's suggestion. You can put a small amount of it on your baby's head during bath time and then scrub lightly with a soft brush of your choice to help loosen the unsightly flakes. Just be sure to really rinse otherwise the oil could exacerbate the problem.

Always check for hairs in between precious fingers and toes. Last year a close friend had her second baby. I was horrified when the baby was just a couple months old she had to take her to the doctor because a piece of hair had wrapped itself so tightly around the little toe that the doctors contemplated the best course of action: one of them was removing the toe because of the possible damage the unseen hair had caused. Little did I know hair tourniquets are a common issue among infants; my mother informed me that I had a hair tourniquet as an infant as well. So during bathtime be sure to do a thorough check among your baby's cute little digits to check for any hairs that may be beginning to embed itself in the skin. If you notice a red or swollen digit, it could be a hair tourniquet call your doctor or ER if it is after hours. We don't have to worry about this since Ev is a girl but I read that hair tourniquets can also happen to a boy's penis so if you have a boy, be sure to check there, too.

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Name/blog: Dena from With Love, The Fishers
Our pack of boys: Brandon 8, Ayden 4 and Lucas 1.

And here's my advice:

1) Always remember to live in the moment with your kids. Remember what they talked about, what they did, what they looked like...cherish these fleeting moments, and skip the dishes every now and then.

2) Motherhood is an art.
And we are the makers of our home.
Every inch of it.
And we get these beautiful people to raise up.
How lucky are we?

3) You can never say I love you too much.

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Hello there friends!  My name is Thursday and I'm super excited to be here today on Sometimes Sweet. If you ever travel to Peterborough, Ontario (a small town in Canada) you may just stumble across my humble homestead.  Here I live a pretty blissed out life with with my partner Jesse and our one year old daughter Georgia Grace. 

Now, normally I don't like to give advice.  Maybe that's because when Georgia was born I was inundated with it (and resented much of it).  I have to admit that when I wrote this list I wasn't writing to anyone but myself - the me that was a brand new and scared out of her wits mama. 

1. If someone offers a helping hand (and you could use it), take them up on it!  Forget your pride.  It feels good.

2. Let your house get messy and enjoy every sweet moment.  Every single stage is an amazing era.  Be present and take it all in.

3. If all of this seems like too much to handle - tell someone.  If you're overwhelmed by irrational thoughts - tell someone.  You don't have to spend the first months of your baby's life drowning in fear.  Postpartum depression is all too common and definitely not something you need to go through on your own.

Those bits of wisdom were hard-won in the early days of Georgia Grace.  Silver lining?  At least I know a little more for the next one. (Please don't  ever tell the boy I said that, okay?)

If you'd ever like to stop by my place to learn more about me, my wee family or my wonky little handmade life I'd love to have you!  Bring a mug of tea or a bottle of vodka - whatever you choose we'll have a good time.

Mama Said, V.12

This is one of the last few weeks of this feature (I'll miss it!) but we're definitely going out with a bang! I'm happy to have two more of my favorite blogging mamas this week. First up is none other than Jess of IROCKSOWHAT, who has quickly become one of my favorite online pals. Her mix of wit, honesty and humor is refreshing, and the beautiful photos she takes always make my day. The second lovely mama is a sweet friend of mine, and someone who I've always admired as a mother. Mandy writes another one of my favorite blogs, and she also recently started a vintage shop that I love to check out (aka stalk) and one of my favorite dresses has come from Opal! Love this lady. So, first up- Jess!

HIYA! I’m Jess Craig from IROCKSOWHAT and I’m married to my high school sweet heart  (can you say flirting in 10th grade biology?). We’re a military family currently stationed on the coast of Virginia. My husband Josh is in his 3rd year of his Air Force enlistment and our son Wyatt is 16 months old. For us, life is very typical military. Josh deploys about every 6 months for 7-8 months at a time and I’m stuck home holding down the fort. Except now we have a little munchkin’…

“How do you handle taking care of a toddler all by yourself with no family around!?” - I get asked that all the time. Honestly, you never know what you can handle until you’re put in the situation. You just
do what you have to do. I know lots of women who do this every day with no hopes of some guy coming in and helping out in a few months, and that’s my inspiration. I try to remember them and a few of these things:

1. WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS – CHANGE YOUR SURROUNDINGS. If you’re having an impossible day and you’re just not feeling it and your kid is, uh… pissing you off, just change your surroundings. I have found that Wyatt really does well with just a simple trip to Target. Something about overdosing on red advertising/signs/bullseyes really puts my kid in a better mood. It’s really important to stimulate your baby. It makes for better moods all around. They get bored doing the same old thing every day too. Try to do at least SOMETHING a few times a week. Even if it’s just going for a walk. Nature is a wonderful thing for a growing mind!

2. YOUR KID IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF HIM- We have some major power in our hands people. Children are so adaptable and super moldable! If you want your kid to be go-with-the-flow, then you need to be go-with-the-flow! Sometimes it’s okay to break up routine and have a night out with your family. It’s good for everyone. Yeah, you may have a slight grouch on your hands the next morning, but soon enough this will be your new normal. Enjoy life and bring your kid along! It won’t be that bad.

3. “ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE MAN, LOVE.” -  Simple as that. And kinda obvious, I know. But it needs to be said I think. A lot of us just over think this whole parenting thing but it’s really kinda simple. Yes there are challenging times, but if you just think with your heart/gut, you can’t go wrong. If it feels bad, then it probably is. I’m not saying let’s all be fluffy poofy hearts, but if your child is loved and safe, then you’re doing a good job.

Hello! I'm Mandy from Harper's Happenings. I'm married to this handsome guy, Scot (with one T) and together we made a magical little nugget named Harper. She's 2 and pretty neat - so neat that I write a blog about her and the silly things she does (don't worry, we're saving for her therapy bills).

1. Do what works for you. There are so many opinions on how to do everything for your kiddo - from feeding to sleeping to diapers, the list goes on - and it's easy to get caught up in what you "should" be doing. What you should be doing is exactly what is right for your family. Remember that certain things won't work for some babies and some things you planned on doing may not be the right fit once the little one is here. Give yourself a break (seriously, stop being so hard on yourself) and do what is comfortable for you!

2. Take lots of photos. This may sound like a given, but snap away. I love unexpectedly finding photos of Harper that I forgot I'd taken. It immediately takes me back to that time and seeing her life in pictures is so amazing. Make photo albums, create a blog for yourself, click click click.  Our kids will appreciate it (I think).

3. Listen to the old ladies. It's easy to write off the little old ladies at the grocery store or Target checkout giving advice. But when they say how fast the time goes, how you need to cherish each moment, how childhood goes by in a blink of an eye - they aren't kidding. When I was pregnant I didn't understand. Now I sit here with a 2 year old wondering where all the time has gone. Hug them harder, read that extra story that they ask for, don't wish away the diapers and bottles and crib. These babies grow up fast. The old ladies? They know what they're talking about.

Mama Said, V.11

We are winding down these Mama Said posts, and this week I'm excited to share two really awesome ladies, with REALLY awesome blogs. If you haven't visited either of them, be sure to take a moment and stop by. They're great. And speaking of great, I'm really enjoying both ladies' pieces of advice. I'm sure you'll agree, so sit back with a cup of tea and read up a bit...and have a great morning!

Hello dearies, I’m Ivelisse from the pretty little mustache blog. I’m a young momma, 26 to be exact, to my lady love, Julianna (aka Jules) - who is 4 and a half years old. I had my daughter at the young of 21. It was unplanned and quite honestly inconvenient at the time. I wasn’t married and was dead smack in the middle of my undergraduate studies. I didn’t know how to break the news to my family and couldn’t fathom the idea of being a mom because I was still in a “me” state of mind. I was having fun and was not ready to have to care for someone else and give up the life that I was enjoying. Still in a selfish state of mind, I decided to suck it up and deal with it, as it was something I had gotten myself into and the baby was not at fault for what had happened. I would waddle to class, full on preggo. I only took off the semester she was born in. I managed to pull through and finish my bachelor’s degree, a little over a year after she was born. That was, of course, with the strong support of my family and back then boyfriend (now husband). I couldn’t have done it without them.  She was the best thing to ever happen to me, and is the best part of me now. I’ve been married to my best friend (and childhood crush) , Edwin, for 4 years, and life could not be better. We are planning on expanding our little family very soon, and I’m beyond thrilled to have another wee little one in my life.  Currently, I’m a SAHM and a graduate student, studying speech-language pathology. My husband works for coca-cola and is an outstanding father and husband. Without these two loves, I don’t know what or where I’d be. Thank you so much Danielle, for letting me be a part of this!!

So, here are some tips:

1. Love yourself – I have never really let myself go after having a child. It’s easy to fall into a slump, but actually doing your hair, putting on some makeup, shaving your legs, putting on a cute outfit, and putting effort into making yourself pretty, will always make you feel better. After having a child, you may not ever look the same as you did pre baby, and sometimes you just have to come to grips with that. I have stretch marks on my lower tummy and although I’ve lost the baby weight (since I had my daughter a long time ago), it’s still not exactly the same as before, but I’ve learned to love myself regardless.  So, once in a while, get your hair done, get your feet & nails done, buy a cute outfit, and do whatever it takes to love yourself more.

2. Alone time is a must – my husband and I make it a point to spend time together, even if it’s just renting a dollar movie and staying in. This usually happens at night while Jules is sleeping. We are honest with her and tell her it’s our time and that she needs to go to bed. We instill the importance of that, and at a young age of 4, she gets it (for the most part). I don’t ever want my husband to feel that Julianna is more important than him, so not only do I show him his importance in my life, but WE also make it a point to show her how important our love is for one another. I know that one day she’ll appreciate that.

3. Give credit where credit is due – I will pass on the advice that was given to me during premarital counseling, as it makes complete sense and saves lots of headaches. Men do not have the nurturing instinct of women! Don’t set expectations on your men based on how you would do things with your child because 9 times out of 10, you will be disappointed. Choose your battles, ladies. A lot of dads out there are doing their best, and we should make it a goal to point out the things that they ARE doing right. Men tend to close off, so if you’re constantly reminding them how much they suck, you run the risk of them kicking back and not wanting to do anything at all. So, with that said, let them know when they are doing a good job.  Show them how appreciative you are of their help. They may not do things the way that we would, but that doesn’t make their way wrong, it’s just different. Same goes for single moms. Everyone needs help with their little ones, or else you burn out. Don’t expect other people to do things exactly how you would, but know they are doing the best to care for your child in their own way. Having this in mind, I find that I don’t nag nearly as much as I did in the beginning, and he is very willing to help and take care of Julianna. When I’m out, I don’t even have to call to make sure he is doing everything right, because in my mind, I know he loves our daughter just as much as I do and will be okay.

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Hey! I am Autumn from Playing House-Full Time. I adore Sometimes Sweet and have been loving her Mama Said feature. Each Mama’s advice has me “mmhmm”ing, laughing and nodding my head. But I wanted to throw a little advice out there from “green” /attachment parenting perspective.

1. If it isn’t a problem for your family, it isn’t a problem. For some reason, once you have a baby everyone decides that they should let you know the “right” way to  parent your child. But what works for some families won’t work for others. So, advice is nice but remember that you are the final word. If cosleeping works for you, do it. If you decide to not use bottles or to not give purees to your baby, that is a-OK even if it isn’t what every  other Mama in the checkout line says. We faced this a lot with our daughter because we don’t follow quite a few norms. Now that we are getting into the “extended breast-feeding” window I am having to remind myself of this even more. Nursing still works for us, waking at night isn’t a big deal for me and my baby is healthy and thriving. Just because it is a decision that is outside of typical (she is 15 months) that doesn’t mean it is a bad decision. But it finally clicked for me that if it works for me, works for Papa and works for the baby... it works!

2.  Baby “must-haves” are kind of a crock. The only essentials for a newborn are boobs and diapers. We never used swings, bumbos, bouncy seats or an infant carrier car seat (convertible Britax from day one!). Once your baby gets a little older you will be able to tell what types of toys/ carriers will work best for them. But truly your arms and face are the best container and entertainer out there.

3. The best gift you can give your baby is a healthy marriage. Taking time to connect with your partner is super important. Going on dates here and there is awesome but not always feasible. It is really awesome to use family time as time to build your marriage too. One way that we do this is family dinners. Instead of grabbing what we can while each other keeps the baby entertained, we make a point to prepare the meal together (while our daughter plays on the floor typically) and then all eat together. We can talk and connect, even with our baby around. Not everyone feels ready to leave their baby right off the bat (you don’t have to leave your newborn for the sake of connecting)- don’t underestimate family dates. Some of the most fun we had when Nolie (our baby) was first born was when we would wrap her up in the moby and head out for breakfast and a walk. We were able to talk and connect but without the stress of getting back home or worrying about whether or not she was OK. And now that she is a walking, babbling crazy we have lots of fun packing up a picnic and having a dinner at the park. Dates don’t have to be planned or expensive (or even one-on-one) in order to be beneficial.

4. Don’t feel like you  have to be a certain “type” of parent. My husband and I fall into the “natural parents” or “green parents” genre pretty easily. But there are a few things that we do that don’t totally jive with the rest of the hippy mama ideals. We don’t cosleep and we use (baby safe) drugs for pain relief (seriously sad molar getting baby=tylenol at bedtime). It is OK to borrow a leaf out of multiple books. Maybe you baby wear all weekend but you use daycare. Or maybe you formula feed but co-sleep. That is ok and don’t feel like you need to apologize for being the parent you are or for making choices that work for your family.

Mama Said, V.10

This week's mamas are offering up some amazing advice, and I feel like I took a LOT out of today's installment. I admire both of these mothers and I appreciate their raw honesty in approaching this feature, and I know you will too. I keep thinking about how helpful this would have been even before I become a mom and I thank you so much ladies for being a part of Mama Said- your advice is priceless. And readers, be sure to stop by both of their blogs- they're awesome!

Hi! Im Bekah from my little loves. and I am feeling elated about sharing some thoughts and lessons I have learned. I am married to the most handsome guy I know and have been a mother for 2 years now.

Our daughter, Oceana Mercy, is brillant! She is vibrant, alert, smart and sassy. Very sassy. My lover is a full-time student at Auburn University, majoring in Philosophy of Religion. A new little addition, Luna Celeste, is being added in August :) We are all so excited! We love traveling, cooking yummy meals, going on long walks, being outside and lazy Sundays.

So here are my little trinkets from past lessons learned:

1. Being a mom does not define you, you define what it means to be a mom.

A sweet, sweet friend of mine shared this wisdom one day and it struck me like a lightning bolt.

I have been very unconventional in everything I have done from the beginning(at least in the south); became a mother at 18, co-sleep, advocate for home/water birth, baby wearing, breastfeeding, wooden toys only, organic homemade baby food, not making Ocean to cry-it-out, nose ring, not religious and definitely not looking like a traditional mom in the least. I get dirty looks all the time. Despite being so against the mainstream ideas, I became aware of this notion that when you became a Mom you started to live vicariously through your children. You stopped taking care of yourself, you lot the individual you had been, you didn't work, you certainly did not go to bars and drink. No, your life is now consumed by your child...and if its not, you certainly must be a bad mom. I had to challenge that. I went to bars to see my friends bands, I danced, I thought about where my next piercing would be. I admire tattoos and dreads and wonder if they are in my future...There is nothing about me that screams mom, but thats okay, because I am redefining what it means to be a mom and I encourage you to do the same. :)

2. Rethink Discipline

So much of our culture is a culture of unconsciousness, we all pretty much do the same thing but we don't think about why or whether its actually good. One of these areas is discipline. It's taken me awhile to approach discipline from where I do now, it really does take a lot of rethinking to evaluate whether what you are doing is truly commendable. I knew from the beginning that spanking was out but I didn't realize how much deeper than that it goes. We have a culture in which a "good"child is not one who is morally conscious, kind and considerate, it is a child who is quiet, sits still and doesn't bother adults. Who doesn't get angry, cry and speak their mind. Is that really a "good" child or one who has been repressed? I learned to think about discipline in the positive, not so much a consequence but a teaching moment. When Ocean gets mad and throws a fit I don't yell and scream, but instead teach her ways to express her anger positively. When Mama is yelling and screaming, baby is learning to do the same. I wish I had adopting this way of thinking earlier instead of having what I thought was a power struggle...I know recognize my child is just expressing the same anger, hurt or disappointment I would except that she hasn't learned a better way of doing so. Our relationship has improved since I have taken steps to change the way I think and deal with each "teaching moment" as it comes up. I recommend Alfie Kohn or Dr. Sears Discipline Book for further reading.

3. Find out your mothering style.

For the first couple of months of motherhood I really struggled with the fact that I wasn't as happy being with my baby 24/7 like I thought I would be. I was very depressed and spent many days crying.

I finally got a part-time job and after a couple of weeks was back to my normal self. I couldn't believe it was as simple as that until I discovered my personality and read my mothering style. I had taken the Myers-Briggs test and found that I am a ESTJ (extraverted, sensing, thinking, judging)

and my mothering style informed me that:

"The ESTJ mother needs opportunities to feel competent separate from the job of mothering. Getting feedback for her ability to manage projects—both paid and volunteer—can provide objective measures of her competence."

Aha! I really wish I had discovered this sooner, it provided so much insight and I stopped feeling like a incompetent mother. Seriously- this puts things into a clear perspective and you start realizing thats its true, every mother, mothers differently, and that is normal and just fine. To find your mothering style first discover your Myers-Briggs type (you can google that test)

and then go here to read about your mothering type!

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Blog: jenni from the blog

Starring: Bob, Jenni, Carter {2 years} and Brynn {8 months}

About me: I'm a Philly sports lovin', wine drinkin', hard workin' wife and mama of 2. I started blogging as a way to document my first pregnancy and along the way I've met some amazing people. Now?  Now I use my blog as a way to remember what the hell I did yesterday.

Advice:

I write this post as I sit in a dark room. I have a sleeping husband and two sleeping babies, all of which I can hear snoring.  And as I sit here, I have with me a very large glass of wine. And The Bachelor.  Yes, I said it... I'm watching The Bachelor and drinking all by my lonesome.  And I love it.  I love the quiet.  I love the "me time"... because it sure is hard to come by these days.  So my first piece of advice is this.... find your "me time." You need it, if only for your sanity as a mother and wife, and your ability to string two coherent sentences together as a person.

I think the next important thing to remember is that we don't know it all. But what we do know is what's best for our children.  What's best for our families. And what's best for ourselves.  As mothers we need to make decisions.  Life changing decisions.  Do I continue my career or stay at home with the baby? Do I breastfeed or formula feed? Do I cloth diaper? Babywear? Co-sleep? Follow an alternative vaccination schedule? Etc. Etc. Etc. And people throw their opinions at you.  Boy do they ever.  But you need to do what's best for you and your family. Whether it worked for your mother, your best friend, or your cousin's neighbor's dog... it doesn't matter.  You need to do what's best for you. Mother's intuition?  It's real.

Lastly, if you ever want to eat, go to the bathroom, or... ya know, shower {which isn't as much of a priority as it used to be} for the love of God buy a Jumperoo.

Mama Said, V.9

This week I am featuring two fabulous ladies, my real-life pal Anita, and an blogging gal pal, Rachael. Both of these ladies are mamas who I admire, and they are here offering up AMAZING advice. Like really awesome. In fact, I think this may be one of my favorite Mama Saids yet (don't I say that every week?).  I know you will all love this great read, so sit back and enjoy! And thanks again ladies, for participating.

Hello, my name is Anita and my family of 3 (plus 2 doggies) live in historic Downtown Phoenix, AZ. We are a pretty boring, low-key bunch who love music and hanging out with family and we also have a photoblog for our daughter, Lola Birdie (www.lolabirdie.com) who was born on October 27, 2009 weighing almost 10 pounds! Lola Birdie is our first (and probably last) kid and honestly, I never thought I would have kids, but along came LB. My husband was in a touring band (www.theformat.com) for half of our relationship, and it wasn't until he quit and started a band merch/graphic design/music licensing company (www.hellomerch.com) here in Phoenix, that we even thought about starting a family.

Being a mother was totally new to me! Lola Birdie was the third or fourth baby that I have ever held in my whole life. Her diaper was the first diaper I ever changed, other than my cabbage patch kids. Being around a newborn was ALL foreign to me. I knew NOTHING about kids. When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately started researching pregnancy and babies online. I joined a fun online community (www.thebump.com) and watched WAY too many baby shows on TLC. 

Luckily, I got through my pregnancy with flying colors and Lola's birth was a super quick, natural labor. I am also proud to say I am still a breastfeeding mother, 16 months later, and I have become quite an advocate for it! 

That being said, here is a few things I have learned in my 16 months of being a mother:

1 - Breastfeeding is awesome, even if your mother thinks its super weird..... - I remember growing up, my mother, who is now one of my best friends too, always said how gross and weird she thought breastfeeding was. I was a formula fed baby. I remember thinking how I would NEVER ever do that. It's super weird...until, years and years later, my sister-in-law, Katie, was studying to be an RN at ASU College of Nursing and she would always come to me with bits of information like "Anita, if you ever plan on getting pregnant, you should start taking Folic Acid" and then she told me how important breastfeeding is and then she told me, " Anita, there are only 2 ways to lose fat cells from your body.....liposuction and breastfeeding". Wow, you mean, if I gain 100 pounds having a baby, it could all go away with breastfeeding??? After that, I started researching breastfeeding and found so so many good things about it. So I made my mind up, "I will just breastfeed for 6 months, that's what they say is the minimum a Mother should breastfeed." I remember doing it for the first time in front of my mother and her saying, "It isn't weird when it's your daughter and granddaughter doing it." What a relief!! I was so worried my mom would be weird about it. But her and my father were very supportive of it. Six months came along and I thought, "This is going so well, I can just do this for 6 more months...". On Lola's 1st birthday, I remember thinking, "Flu season is coming, I'll just keep breastfeeding until March." So, that being said, I guess we will just keep going until we think its time to stop!

2 - All kids are different, and they hit milestones at their OWN pace - I have a few friends with kids that I see on a weekly basis. One of the friends has a baby that is about 2 weeks younger than Lola. Since birth, I have been comparing her and Lola. I remember when my friends daughter rolled over before Lola and I thought, what is wrong with Lola? Why hasn't she rolled over yet? I remember when Lola started teething at 3 months old and my friends daughter wasn't, I thought that Lola was a freak and something was wrong with her. Then when it came time to crawl, my friends daughter started crawling literally a month before Lola. After months and months of comparing, I realized that all babies are different and when some are walking, others are talking and when some are sleeping through the night, others are waking up 2-3 times. I quickly learned to never compare children, they will do everything at their own pace.

3 - Take lots of pictures, and videos...I mean LOTS, even start a website or blog for friends and family to see - My husband and I try to take at least one picture of Lola everyday. I love to remember what she wore that day or what she did that day, or the new word she said or the new puzzle she learned how to put together that day. It is so great to know that I can go back to a picture we posted and remember that exact point in our lives. Plus, at least once a month I go to www.lolabirdie.com and look through them from start to present day. I watch videos I have saved on my computer of her first few minutes on earth. I can't get enough of it. I still can't believe that this person I have today was that person just a year ago. Kids change literally EVERY day. I love that I can go back to a video and hear Lola laugh for the first time, or stand up for the first time, or eat her first bite of food. I am so happy that we live in a time where a camera or video camera is so easily accessible. I also love that we have a website that we can post pictures of Lola on it daily that all of our friends and family can see. I hope that everyone enjoys her website as much as we do and I hope that one day Lola will appreciate it too. I know I wish that I had daily pictures of my life growing up.

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I'm Rachael! Registered nurse & wife to a handsome musician.
Stepmonster to two beautiful boys, ages 10 & 8. Momma to a lil' blue-eyed boyfriend, age 1.
And the newest development...Knocked up with a set of twin girls, due in April!
Follow along at www.letterstoames.com!

THREE TIDBITS OF WISDOM I'VE PICKED UP ALONG THE WAY:

They'll still be crying when you get there. I wasn't sure how I felt about my friend's words when I was pregnant. I'm pretty supportive of attachment parenting, and this felt like letting my tiny new baby cry it out! Now I totally get it. Whether he's in a crib or someone else's arms, newborn or toddler, sometimes my baby just needs mama or daddy. It's one of the special perks of being a parent - being able to comfort our offspring. It's an honor & a responsibility to tend to those cries (or screams), but it is possible to sacrifice one's own sanity in the process. In the fifteen months following my son's birth, I've learned to pause. Sometimes, I take deep breaths before picking him up off the floor when the fussing starts. Sometimes, I finish my conversation with my husband before getting the boy up from his nap. Sometimes, I let him bang on the table with his food-covered hands and enjoy a few bites of my own before getting him what he wants. This is coming from the mama who almost went into premature labor the other night, hauling my butt up the stairs after hearing the toddler fussing in the bathtub. Turns out, his big brother was pulling him out to dry him off. It's all about baby steps! But I'm learning to stay laid-back and not sweat the small stuff. It makes me appreciate my son (and my role as a mother) so much more!

They're not going to hurt your child. Chances are, they love your kids more than they love you. A doctor and I discussed the "in-laws phenomenon" the other day at work, after she mentioned how jealous she was that both sets of our parents are nearby. There's something about motherhood that turns us nice girls into defensive psychos. I've never had an altercation with my mother-in-law, as I tend to keep the yucky stuff in my heart (bad idea). But I have held onto things and been sensitive to her comments and opinions. There have been quite a few awkward conversations where I have to explain why I'm not giving my child Tylenol for a temperature of 99.9, or why I'm not supplementing with formula just because he's small for age. But I've learned to pick my battles. A few months back, she gave the boy a bottle of apple juice instead of the breastmilk we'd packed. Apparently, she couldn't find it in the fridge where my husband had left it. I couldn't help but laugh. It was something I'd never do, but it surely wasn't gonna kill him. She wasn't trying to spite me. She was trying to help. And since realizing that and letting go of my control, I've enjoyed my relationship with her on a whole new level.

It's not 50/50. It's 100/100. This piece of advice came weeks after my husband and I married, which turned out to be weeks before we conceived our son. I crashed into a scary, numb phase after the wedding. We looked to a couple at church for guidance, and I will never forget the wisdom they shared. People always talk about the give-and-take of marriage, and how couples have to meet in the middle. But it's not always like that. Sometimes, it's one person giving and the other taking. Sometimes, one has to cross the line and pick the other up, and drag them back. Parenthood only magnifies this concept. There are days when I feel like I can't contribute a lick to the family. I'm worn out and discouraged, and my husband senses it and picks up the slack. Other days, he feels gross and spends most of the day in his pajamas on the couch. Changing one diaper or making the bed might be the extent of his day's efforts. And I carry him along, until the sun goes down. It's what you do when you commit to sharing a life with someone - sharing ALL of it, the good and the bad. It's 100%, both of you, every day. That way, if someone comes up short, the other has plenty to give.

Mama Said, V.8

I can't believe this is the 8th week of Mama Said posts! It feels like I just started doing these. I have another month of advice to share with all of you, and then it's on to something new! But this week is really something special. Two of my favorite blogging ladies are here to share bits of wisdom from their everyday life. The first fabulous mama is one of the very first blogging friends I made, Jamie! Jamie is beautiful, has a heart of gold, and always leaves me feeling happy and inspired. Definitely hop over to her blog and say hello when you get a moment. The second is one of my dear friends, Erin. Erin is someone really special to me and she's been there for me through a lot, including my emergency c-section, a procedure that we both ended up having after planning for a natural birth. She'll talk more about that below. Erin is a beautiful free-spirit, a dream-follower, and one of the kindest souls you could meet in this big, old internet world. I feel lucky to call her my friend.

So, have a great Wednesday, and enjoy this 8th installment of Mama Said!

Hi, Sometimes Sweet Readers! I'm Jamie and I blog over at Inspired Mess (http://inspiredmess.blogspot.com). I'm honored to visit Sometimes Sweet and give my "wisdom" to other mamas out there. I've been married to my husband Brian for 8 years (we met online) and when we met, we each had a son that was 2 years old. Now we have a "his", "hers" and "ours".  Zachary is my stepson and he's 11 (almost 12). Brennon is my son from a previous relationship and he will be 11 next month. (They're 9 months apart.) Then we had Grayson together and he just turned 6 years old. Needless to say, when they're all home, our house is all sorts of crazy. Life with all boys has turned out to be quite an adventure but I wouldn't have it any other way!

I was thinking of what three things I would tell my close friend about becoming a mother and after thinking about it, my only question was "only 3???". There's so much I could share but I narrowed it down to my top three things I would tell her (and you!)...

1. It will change your life forever. I know people say that all the time. So much, that it's become somewhat a flippant remark but it's so true. The quote about "Having a child is forever having your heart walking outside your body." is fact. Your heart experiences this different kind of love that is so enormous you feel that your heart will explode. It never goes away - it only grows. You will always worry about everything from whether the baby is growing properly to what kind of juice, if any, you should give your child to whether or not you're making the right life choices. Do not go in to having a child thinking everything will stay the same and you'll just this extra little person with you. You must take your child into consideration with every decision you make from that point forward. But it will all be totally worth it.

2. You can never love too much. Never too many hugs, kisses, "I love you's". Do not get so caught up in your life that you forget to cherish the little moments. I don't say this lightly: Even though I am sure you'll hear it a bazillion times... Time flies by so fast. These moments will be gone before you know it. Take the time....to read bedtime stories, to play games, to go for a walk and look at the birds and trees, to teach, to have fun and laugh. I'm telling you this with all my heart. Cherish these moments. It is these little acts that will shape and mold your child and his or her character. This is what they will remember. Make sure your children know they can do anything and be anything they set their mind to. Help them learn to dream big and then teach them how to do it.

I have a sign hanging in our living room that I made that says, "Pardon the mess. Our boys are busy making memories." Sometimes you just have to let it go. Leave the laundry, dishes and mess and focus on your children. It's always worth it.

3. Now I want to talk to my friends who are dating/engaged to somebody who already has children. Becoming a stepmother...When you have a child and your husband has a child (or one or the other), remember that you each have your way of parenting and that has already been established with the child. Talk! Communication is so important before any problems start. Discuss how you will discipline and raise your children. Don't assume that you both agree. I know, it seems obvious that you would talk about something like that but it doesn't always happen. I will tell you this, mom to mom...it will be difficult. You may even cry at times. You will feel like you don't know what to do. You're not alone. Be patient and always try your best. It will get easier....and it will be worth it.

Since I've used up my 3, I need to add a *bonus*. As somebody who has lived with the a**hole known as depression, be aware of your body and your feelings after you have your baby. I lived with undiagnosed postpartum that progressed for nearly 3 years without treatment. My marriage was almost destroyed. I almost lost everything that was important to me. Know the signs and don't be ashamed to ask for help. Did you read that? Do not be ashamed to ask for help. You're not alone and it is nothing to be ashamed about. There's a long list of symptoms but if you have difficulty bonding with your baby, caring for your baby or thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, please, please, please tell somebody.

I'm sure there's many more things I would share but those are the top ones that came to mind. It's the most rewarding and important thing I have ever done. It's not always easy, but it's always worth it.

 Hi there, my name is Erin of Happy Owl! I am a 32 year old first grade teacher and lifetime CA girl. But almost 4 years ago my husband Mike and I decided to live our dreams in Juneau, Alaska! We have a wonderful life that we celebrate daily with our two sons Noah, 5 and Logan 2. Being a working, wild, busy mom I was so excited to give some advice and read about tons more!!!

I found this tip to be really helpful, especially with having a blog and friends in the blog world. When you have a bad day, feel overwhelmed, exhausted, etc. Share your day with a close friend, blog friend,  or family member who is also a parent. They will for sure have a worse day, funny story or something that will make you feel like you are not alone in the world.

Yes, your laundry is never done, legos or barbies shoes or baby rattles HAVE taken over every square inch of your home, and every once in awhile you count down the minutes until it's bedtime. But nevertheless, cherish every moment you have with your wee ones. In the chaos of the day you forget how really blessed you are to be a parent. Especially when others around you are not so lucky.

And last...don't feel bad if your plan for perfect baby didn't go into fruition. we wanted cloth diapers, we wanted to stop breast feeding earlier, we were unsure about co-sleeping, we wanted to make all my own baby food, not let my kids watch t.v.,  I wanted a more natural birth and I had an emergency c-section, etc. Life happens and sometimes EVEN if it works perfectly for someone else and they make it sound so easy, it simply might not be right for you. And the bottom line is that's ok! The most important thing is you have a beautiful child (or children) to raise and love and cherish!

Now go play with your kiddos :)

xo- erin

Mama Said, V.7

This week is one of my most favorite "Mama Said" posts yet. Both Jess and Katie are two of my very favorite mamas, and it's so neat to feature them here at the same time! Each of these ladies offers something very different, and I'm very excited to share this with all of you. Enjoy!

Hey there lovelies! My name is Jess and I'm the sweetheart of my amazing husband Sam and the mommy of our little mister, Forest Káel who is 5 months old. In my non-mommy moments I am an artist, scribbler of thoughts and designs. I have a passion for living and loving every moment it. My man is a cinematographer and musician which means our home is a creative buzz most of the time. Our little boy has opened up a whole new world of a crazy kinda of love into our hearts that has changed us for life. It's rather fabulous.

I'm super excited about these series of posts Dani has started up and was so tickled to be a part of the heart sharing.

Mommy Thought #1: Give Me Some Love

I remember right after I had my son, I was tired, I was worried about doing everything "right" and the way I had laid out in my mind while I was prego. At the moment I was stressing about something and my mom called me. I was ranting and raving about something that wasn't going exactly as I had thought it would, freaking out that I wasn't being the perfect hippie mom that I had planned on being. In her soothing voice she said, "Babe, the thing that your baby needs and wants most from you than anything right now is your love." For some reason that simple fact has helped me more than anything. In the middle of my meltdowns that happen to all moms at some point or another, I realized that I am always doing the most important thing right, loving my baby. Yeah, I might have to supplement with formula because my milk supply won't go up or I might use huggies diapers instead of cloth like I had planned. But, it's ok. He needs my love more than anything and that is a big smiley face sticker of awesomeness to put on my mommy chart of accomplishments.

Mommy Thought #2: Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk

There it was, that precious milk I had spent 45 min, pumping... a mere 4 oz...my son's next feeding...soaking into my brown carpet. I was in tears, heaving sobs because I didn't have any more milk to pump. The drama of the moment was serious then but humorous now. haha Oh dear Jess, it's going to be ok.

Boobs. Yes, all of us ladies have them. All shapes and all sizes. If you're a mom, going to become a mom or wanting to be a mom, you'll find that they become an increasingly common subject in your daily conversation. Oh lordy, then there's (shhh, I better whisper it) nipples. Did you know there are more than one type?  Eeek! Yes, I said it. You'd be surprised but those little suckers, that before were just assets to your lovely figure can become the main source of sweet wonder, terrible heart ache or confusing stress. One friend said, It's amazing how easily you say the words boob and nipple once you've had a kid. You say it without even thinking. Sam and I would laugh at that fact because it was and is so true. 

 As curious as it is, breast feeding is amazing but I have to say one of the hardest things I've done. Some girls have a breeze of time with it, which is AWESOME and so encouraging. But, for others it can be rough. I had some funky info that it's not supposed to hurt at all when you first start. (All my mom friends tell me, and now I you...that if your boobs are the kind that hurt and/or are tender when you start feeding-stick it out for 2 or 3 weeks and it will be smooth sailing from then on out.)  My boy had a perfect latch but because I had some weird boob issues it hurt like heck. I ended up pumping because I thought the pain would last forever and I needed a break. I started up again a few weeks later with the use of a nipple shield and it was fine and eventually felt pleasant. But, by that point my milk couldn't keep up with my boy's tummy needs. And, you're not a bad mommy if you need to supplement with formula, that's good for him/her too. I ended up using Earth's Best Organic Formula to supplement so I could enjoy my baby because I was dreading him waking up because I didn't have enough milk to give him. That was a biggie for me to get over. There are SO many pressures and expectations that are placed on mom's and ones we put on ourselves, bringing so much guilt when those expectations aren't met. No guilt momma. Do what you think is best and be confident because you're amazing.

Mommy Thought #3: Fave product

My last suggestion and thought for the day is going to be a simple treasure that I will get for everyone of my new mommy friends forever and a day. Aden and Anais swaddling blankets. I'm CRAZY about them! They are large, light, and gauzy making them great for SO many uses.Car seat covers, burp cloths, play blanket, pretend fort and swaddle. One of my girlfriends even knotted one of them up and used it for a temporary sling out by the pool. Ours have ended up being our sons favorite thing to play with. He loves the patterns on them and the fact that they are light weight makes it easy and fun for him to pull over his head and play. You can get them at Target and most baby supply stores. They are definitely a MUST and fav on my baby list.

Enjoy your mommy-ness ladies. It can be hard, but your baby is the most freaking awesome and beautiful thing you will ever experience.

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Hello, Sometimes Sweet readers!  My name is Katie and I run a little blog and shop called Skunkboy Creatures.  When I'm not spending my time sewing up critters, I'm busy playing with my 8 year old daughter Hope, or feeding and cuddling my newborn daughter Poesy.  My husband's name is Johnny and he is the best daddy and the biggest help ever!  We started homeschooling Hope this year, and between having a newborn around, working for myself, and doing school with her everyday, I wouldn't make it without him. 

1.  Set boundaries. More than anything else, I'm constantly being complimented on how well-behaved Hope is.  We don't live in a particularly strict household, but we do have a few firm rules that have seemed to help Hope develop into a great listener and respectful little girl.  Hopefully Poesy will follow in her big sister's footsteps!

2.  As your child grows, help feed their individuality. As your child shows interest in a particular area, allow them to explore it!  If your little one likes books, make sure to take a library trip once a week.  If your kiddo loves doing art, having ample supplies around the house is important.  Hope has always liked pretty dresses, so we started letting her pick her own clothes at the ripe age of 3.  No matter how crazy the outfit was, we let her wear it!  Now she's quite the stylish and eclectic little gal.

3.  Take care of yourself. When we had our first sweet baby, Johnny and I NEVER left her.  Heck, we hardly ever left the house.  I went through some pretty major postpartum depression, and I attribute a lot of it to never taking a break or treating myself.  I felt guilty when I would think about doing something without my child, almost like I was being a bad mother.  We've taken a different approach with our newest addition, and now make time for "us".  Weekly dates are a must for us, even if it's just driving the car out to a pretty place or sitting at a Starbucks and chatting.  Poesy is 4 weeks old now, and beyond the first couple of weeks of crazy hormones, there really hasn't been any sadness.  It's GOOD to love and take care of yourself, too!

Mama Said, V.6

This week our Mama Said advice comes from two of my most favorite ladies on the internet, both of which are no stranger to being featured on this blog. The first, Jess, is pretty much one of my favorite people in the entire world, internet or not. Her blog is an honest place, full of funny stories, moments from her daily life, and adorable photos of her family. Jess is the wife of a touring musician, so she often plays the role of both parents while her husband is out with his successful band. She's a great friend with a heart of gold, and she also happens to be one of the funniest women I've ever encountered. The second featured lady today is Megan, another long time friend and a mama who holds a really special place in my heart. Megan is a military wife, and she is the mother to a darling little girl. Megan's blog is another one of my favorites, and I've so enjoyed reading along with her as she shares everything from delicious recipes to advice on whole living and healthy choices. She's a young Mom with an old soul, and I am constantly inspired by her creativity and drive to better her little corner of the world.

I'm excited to have both of these gals on Sometimes Sweet today, so without any more of my rambling (except to say that I love how they both ended on the same note! hah!), here's Jess!

Hey ya'll, it's me Jess, from The Doe Or The Deer. If I am new to you, here's a little bit of my mommyhood history. I am a mother two polar opposite personality children, who are only 18 months apart in age. You could say the hubs and I got right on that baby making train quickly.

 Zoe, 2 years old, is feisty, outgoing and smack dab in the middle of an emotional roller coaster of tears, laughter and full blown, face on the ground tantrums, also known as the "terrible twos". Ezra, 11 months old, is a dorky, goofball of a baby blob, who snorts with laughter and has mastered the art of flipping out of his crib.  Both kids are equally awesome.

I'm amazed that Danielle even thinks to ask me to guest post here on Sometimes Sweet still, considering I am the worst procrastinating guest blogger in the whole wide world of blogging! She still loves me... Phew!

So, here is what THIS mama says about parenting. Tread carefully....

Take my advice; don't give any.
I don't care if you have 1 baby or your last name is Dugger. Don't do it! Unless the mother-to-be is on her hands and knees begging for it, with a signed waver saying that she asked for it and you hold no personal responsibility for her stabbing you in the face, then go ahead, open your big ol' opinionated mouth.

Advice tends to lead into guilt. Like us mothers don't carry enough guilt of own!?! We get these bitches, er, I mean "friends", in our life telling us we birthed wrong, because we had a baby in a hospital delivered by "evil" doctors, or that we didn't try hard enough, because we didn't breast feed for 3 years, or that we have to get our son circumcised, because it will look weird, or we're fucking up the Earth, because we chose to use disposable diapers, or that we are Satan, because we let our kid eat a chicken nugget or even worse, SENT OUR KIDS TO PUBLIC SCHOOL. The horror!  (And yes, I've been told ALL these things. Bitter still? YES.) All of which, we NEVER asked for to begin with! Just shut your mouth and nod your head. Then go straight home and blog passive aggressively about your opinions on other peoples parenting styles, like I do...

Don't watch Dr. Phil.
Or Maury or 16 & Pregnant.... Unless you want to reconsider having children (especially daughters) all together.

Wine is a gateway drug to more babies.
It's true. Drink responsibly and preferably with an IUD in place.

Hi, I'm Megan, from meganislove.tumblr.com! Some of you may know me from the other features Danielle has included me on.

I'm so thankful to be here again, talking about my MOST favorite thing...motherhood!

To sum us up; I'd say....we're a Military, attachment parenting, raw eating, outdoor lovin' family! My two year old, Scarlett, is still currently breastfeeding, co-sleeping, the whole sha-bang! She also loves all things princess and raising havoc! ;)

 

When Danielle asked me to do this, I kept thinking over and over, of all the pieces of advice I've gotten. I'm a people-pleaser at heart, I love making everyone (but myself --by mistake!) happy. I often took every piece of advice someone gave me, and thought it was the right thing to do. Many o' nights, I'd lie awake..thinking of how unsatisfied I felt as a mother; "guilty", "wrong," "confused," were what ran across my mind. So now being able to share my OWN advice with you, well - I was MORE than a little nervous.

After the countless books, and words from friends, I still never felt like I knew what I "should" be doing. I went to find ANOTHER book to help me solve my problems, AGAIN (out of desperation) and came across "I Was a Really Good Mom before I Had Kids," thought it'd be a funny read, and it ended up being my lifesaver.

It didn't "teach" me how to parent, but helped me understand that I wasn't "alone" in this craziness called "motherhood." So, I give you -- the best things I learned in this book :D

 

"You can have it all! Just not at once" The amount of expectations I had for myself, my family and Scarlett - were endless. I thought there was a certain "way" I had to be.. "She should be sleeping in her bed by this time, she should be eating these foods, playing with these toys...talking by this time..walking by..." the list goes on. I'm sure you've all felt the same way at one point or another! "Realize that expectations can influence your choices." Friends, family- even though they mean well, sometimes steer you in a different direction you may want to go in, parenting wise. Just stick to your core principles and values, and after making your choice- make it a rule not to second guess yourself.

"Oh my god, I don't want to color right now" (Living in the moment!) I know there's many times where I'm stressing about what's for dinner, if the laundry's done, house is clean, if Scarlett is getting enough one-on-one time, versus independent play. I have a hard time, living in the "moment" in general! I'm a planner, I love thinking of what is ...next! Enjoying Scarlett, just being, is something that I try to work on, daily. Just remember, don't fight the stage you're in. If it's a challenging phase, know that it will pass quickly. If you're in a blissful phase, cherish it, because it will also pass quickly.  

"Am I a bad mom if I don't buy organic spaghettios?" (lose the judgement) I know we all judge, (don't lie! - you do it too!) ;) we ALL do! We all think there's this idea of a what a "good" mother is. I'm not going to lie- I had a really hard time with this, especially since we do things A LOT differently than most parents. At playgroups, I would try not to stare when I saw a mother giving their child something I'd NEVER in a million years give Scarlett. BUT! you know what! I learned that what works for me, definitely wouldn't work for another mother and vice versa. Co-sleeping works for us, but I know a family whose son HATES sleeping with his parents and would much rather be in his own room, lights out, door shut. Again- something I'm totally not used to, but that doesn't make her a bad mother. We're all different, our kids are all different, and there is no right or wrong when it comes to parenting. Surround yourself with a positive support system whether it be real life friends or blogging ones :D and stick with 'em!

 And when all else fails, there's always wine!

Mama Said, V.5

Welcome the fifth edition of "Mama Said." Today I am pleased to present a couple of amazing ladies and more awesome advice and words of wisdom. The first mama this week is the wonderful Rachel Denbow. Rachel is one of my favorite people, and has always been such a kind and caring friend. She gave me lots of support throughout my pregnancy and has always been an inspiration to me. She's one of those seasoned Moms a lot of other Moms look to, and I am beyond excited that she agreed to share some of her wisdom here. The second fabulous mama this week is Erin, who is one of my dearest friends, and someone who has been in my life since the "old days" of college at NAU. Erin and I met back in the year 2000 and were instant friends, and ended up rushing the same sorority (Pi Beta Phi). Over the past eleven years we've gone on countless girls' trips together, been through all of life's milestones side by side, and even got pregnant just months apart. She's one of the best girls I know, and I'm so pleased to call her a lifetime friend and sister. Thanks to both of these pretty mothers for being a part of Mama Said this week! And now first up, Rachel!

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I'm Rachel from Smile and Wave and I'm so happy to have been invited to share a little bit of what I've learned from almost five years of motherhood over here on Sometimes Sweet! Our family currently includes one dashing husband that rides a Vespa and is working on his Masters in Counseling while serving in the R.O.T.C. and the Reserves, one high-energy four and a half year old boy named Sebastian, and a surprisingly fast one year old little girl named Ruby. We love spending time together taking family adventures, having Transformers wars, and making messes in general.  I'm a work at home mama that splits time between blogging about vintage finds, DIY projects, and life as a mama as well as writing e-courses, and designing and creating product for sale at RedVelvetArt.com.  We currently live in Springfield, MO which is known for it's fantastic flea markets and some sort of special take on Cashew Chicken!

There has been some great advice already offered up already that had me nodding my head in agreement.  Here are a few more little nuggets that have been learned from trenches. Pardon my terminology. ;)

1. The transition from pregnant to babe in arms with your first child is the most beautiful and most challenging kind. I remember after one month of sleep deprivation wishing I could just feel like my old self again, go out on a relaxing movie/dinner date night, and not have to schedule my life around nap times and feedings. Then after three months of sleep deprivation I remember feeling like I was finally figuring out the tricks to making it to a dr.'s appointment on time, how to enjoy movies at home instead, and a sense of confidence in who I was becoming as a mother. Having the responsibility of around the clock care for a needy little baby, regardless of how much help you have, can be the most overwhelming feeling at times but suddenly I had become this more giving, patient person. It's part of the gift of motherhood, I think.

Now, some of that wears off at around 18 months...haha, no really. This leads me to my second piece of advice.

2. You will feel like you've got it all finally figured out and then suddenly they pull a fast one on you. They move into another developmental stage and are no longer sleeping as well or start challenging your authority and it's all you can do to not want to throw in the towel, at least just for the night, in order to regain some sense of sanity. Being honest about your feelings with people that care about you and understand the wide range of emotions you will naturally feel can be so important to working through the more challenging times. Even if it's an online mama who's been there before, having some support can make all the difference and make you feel less crazy.

3. Lastly, making time for yourself to enjoy whatever you enjoyed before you were a mother will help you in a myriad of ways. Whether it's spending time with your favorite girlfriends, carving out time to create in your studio, or making sure you can still get through a book (or more) a month, you'll feel more grounded as your identity shifts a little into this new role.  It'll benefit everyone around you when you give yourself some time to be renewed.

Hello everyone :) My name is Erin and I recently had the privilege of becoming a mother at the beginning of September to a beautiful boy named Kyler. My husband and I will be married 5 years this coming March and are thoroughly enjoying all that being parents have to offer. It definitely is much harder than I anticipated but to balance it out, the rewards and love are deeper than one could imagine. Jeff is an amazing father and has truly embraced his role. There is nothing more amazing than watching your husband play and care for the baby. Our family began with our two dogs Riley and London. We are amazed how well they have adapted to everything and we like to say they welcomed the changes with open paws. :) London (being the baby of the family before Kyler came) especially surprised us. We anticipated her being upset and unsure with the baby, however she is quite the opposite. When Kyler was a newborn, London would wake up with me when I needed to nurse him several times a night. She would sit right next to me on the couch and then when Kyler was done eating, she would walk with me into his room and "help" me put him back to bed. London did this every 2-3 hours with me for weeks. It was incredibly sweet. These days she stays snuggled in her bed instead if I have to get up, but for those weeks, she was right there with me. I still find it to be pretty amazing. Riley is our other furry friend. She has remained the loyal and protective girl she always was and always has her eye on Kyler to make sure he is ok. It has been so much fun to watch the dogs react the Kylers laughs and squeals. The girls get so excited.

As for advice, there are so many things I would already do differently and also some thing I would keep exactly the same. It's such an incredible learning process.

1. Don't use the baby books as a "how-to," use them more so as a guide. I was one of these moms that read several books about how do all these things for your baby and would get so frustrated when Kylers mirroring what the books said. It made me feel like I didn't know what I was doing and that I was doing something wrong. What I learned was,  I was doing it wrong.... I was too fixated on what the books were saying that I was missing his cues. So, if you like to read and you are like me, do it but don't think that your doing something wrong if your baby isn't following your book of choice. To get Kyler on a schedule when he was ready, we took notes on his patterns for a couple weeks right before he was 3 months old and then implemented the schedule that he had started. This worked wonders and would highly recommend this.

2. Breastfeed if you can. This can be a difficult topic. Some woman want to do this so badly and it just doesn't work out for them and others are unsure about it. All is understandable. For me, it has been the best decision. The bond is truly incredible and what you are providing for the baby is even better. Plus you lose your baby weight so fast it is unreal! My advice is if you are struggling with breastfeeding, seek help. There are so many wonderful resources out there. Also,when my milk came in, I pumped every day in the morning to start my supply and then would feed Kyler after I pumped to help stimulate milk production. To this day he is almost 5 months old and I still have a great milk supply even with working. I also know I am very lucky, but pumping early seemed to help.

3. Plan ahead with pets. We had Jeff's parents bring home one of the blankets Kyler had been wrapped in and cut it in half so each dog had part of his blanket with his smell on it. This worked wonders. When we brought him home and introduced them, it was as if they were expecting him. During the prenancy, I would let them sniff my belly and sit with us in his room etc. We tried to make them a part of preparing for him. Seemed to help them adjust which was important to us.

Overall the best thing to remember is that you aren't perfect and you shouldn't expect yourself to be perfect. Believe in yourself as a mother and know in your heart that you know your baby and ultimately what is best for him/her. Cheers to motherhood!